Childhood fears still distorting your perception?

October 4, 2022

This painting hung over the sofa in my maternal grandparents' apartment, and as a child I found it spooky and unsettling. Odd colors, unnameable forms, and that enigmatic eye... it was deeply imprinted in my mind. When my grandmother passed away in the spring, I asked to have the painting. Not because I "liked" it, but because it made me think of her, my grandfather, and the apartment they lived in since 1946. I probably called it "the fish lady one."

When I took it home and unwrapped it I was bracing myself to feel some regret, worried that it would be too creepy or just make me sad. Instead, seeing it outside of my grandparents' apartment for the first time, I was awestruck.

First, it's gorgeous! Bright, dynamic, bold, intriguing, of its era and yet completely original. How had I not ever seen that? And second, holding the painting in my hands I suddenly felt a deep, intimate connection to the painter, my great grandma Anna, who I only met a couple of times as a child. It felt like she was speaking directly to me. I got a sense of her that was never transmitted through family stories and photos. Now that it's in my home I have a daily reminder of my grandparents and I've fallen in love with the painting, and with Anna.

It's been a good reminder that so much of how we perceive the world comes from filters we develop in childhood. As we get older we have the opportunity to examine those filters, question them, and work to clear them with compassion, curiosity, and some focused awareness. Therapy, guided meditation, and energy healing can all help create the space and distance necessary to overcome childish misconceptions. You may find that when seen with a fresh lens, what's been haunting you could transform into something beautiful.