My clients naturally bring to me their concerns about people near and dear to them, and I am often asked whether I can work on someone else's energy field without their awareness. Even though the request might come from a place of love and good intentions, unfortunately the answer is no, I need full consent.

One result is that I work with a large number of "skeptical spouses" by referral, which I find especially fun and fulfilling. I also teach (and frequently re-learn!) that one of the most healing and impactful things we can do for someone else is to change our perception of them.

That might sound kind of absurd, and yet I can attest to its power

When a loved one is suffering or struggling, or when we're frustrated by a recurring behavior pattern in a relationship, who hasn't had the desire to fix/heal/change the other person? (And has it ever worked?)

The alternative I suggest starts with going inwards. Consider how you might shift your contribution to the dynamic.** Are you seeing the other person as flawed, weak, or incapable? Are you setting diminished expectations based on past experiences? How might this limiting perception be contributing to their behavior and yours? To their well-being and yours? Like the online meme, you might want to ask yourself, "Am I the drama?"

After challenging your own assumptions, try perceiving the other person as whole, perfect, capable, and maybe even divinely guided. This may be easier said than done, but some self-awareness, humility, curiosity, and open-mindedness go a long way. Importantly, it's mutually freeing and empowering as you're both released from limiting patterns and granted the space to change and evolve

The next time you are fretting or fuming over the behavior of a partner, child, relative, friend, or colleague, I invite you to give this energetic-perspective-shift a try. As the mystics and scientists (and energy healers) tell us, our energies are deeply and thoroughly interwoven and interconnected. Shift your perception and truly kickstart the change you want to see.

**If dealing with abusive or threatening behaviors, please consult a trusted professional.